Archive for July, 2009

July 31, 2009


rewind on the past few days…

right now i’m sitting at the computer while layne naps and harper watches “carebears nutcracker”.  yes, it is random, but she was with daddy at the library last night.  he said, “that’s what she wanted, so that’s what she got”.

just finished cleaning up a painty mess in the kitchen.  i asked harper if she wanted to fingerpaint…always turns into really just painting her fingers.  she does enjoy actually painting, but i think she likes the messiness of it all more than anything else.

breakfast was Grands cinnamon rolls.  feel like i should start making them every friday.  or at least once a month.  those things are amazing.

last night was the soccer season championship.  we played two games in a row.  it was super fun and i couldn’t believe that i was still moving pretty fast even at the end of the second game.  i felt crappy all day yesterday and was before we started playing i was convinced i would pass out or something.  but when the game started, i felt great.  weird, but very cool.  (we won both games, by the way…the second one in overtime.)  got home around 10:00, gobbled up two slices of chicken pot pie and some cookie dough, and stayed up watching tv until 11:30.

i was super thankful for soccer last night because the past 24 hours had been rough.  on wednesday night layne had a super high fever and couldn’t kick it until i took at trip to cvs around 3:30 AM.  before that she was moaning and tossing and turning and taking turns in bed with me and in the pack n play in our room (ryan had to move to the couch).  it was pretty pitiful.  i happened to have her one year check-up scheduled for yesterday, so it worked out nicely.  doctor says it was probably roseola or something similar.  she had two shots and was SUPER fussy all day…  thank goodness she seems to be doing much better today…pretty much back to her old self.  yesterday she wouldn’t even really eat, and for her, that is a big deal.

wednesday we pretty much hung out here…went to publix in the morning.  harper didn’t nap, so that always makes for an interesting afternoon…no idea why i decided to go to wal-mart before dinnertime.  she was belting out “cruella deville” the whole time we were there.  hopefully the other shoppers thought it was “cute” because i didn’t have the energy to stop the concert.  they’re remodeling the store and it was absolutely ridiculous trying to get through my list…entire departments are in different places or…gone, it seemed.  the stuff that was there was crammed together so tight that it would be hard to get a regular-sized cart through the “aisles”, much less the semi that i was pushing (although it was brand new and super clean and i was excited about that).

July 28, 2009

“train up a child in the way they should go…”

circle_praying“…and when they are old they will not depart from it.”

this is one of my favorite verses from proverbs. i believe it with all my heart. i’ve always had this plan for myself when it was my turn to do some training. however, i’m struggling. i realize my struggle has just begun. my kids are 3 and 1 and un-conceived.

at Bible study tonight, the girls and i were discussing raising children with “wisdom and faithful instruction”. i started to talk about how i’m really struggling with what that means. it is really scary to think that the basis of what my kids’ thoughts about who God is is in my hands. yes, i do believe that the Lord created us with a hole in our hearts. He created us with a curiosity…a longing to seek out our Creator. still, it’s scary because sometimes when i’m explaining things to harper, things that are fundamental parts of my faith, i know that it sounds no different to her than when i’m reading “alice in wonderland”. last week she was singing “this little light of mine” and got to the part about “don’t let satan blow it out”. i was trying to explain to her who satan is. as the words were coming out of my mouth, i was thinking how stupid it sounded and how much it sounded like i was talking about the easter bunny or something. (Satan’s also tricky because you don’t want to make him sound TOO scary because then she’ll have nightmares every night.)

there’ve been several instances like that lately, and it is really causing me to question my faith. not in a “i feel like i’m going to leave the church and realize i never had a relationship with God” kind of way; more like just causing me to think about which aspects of my faith and my relationship with Christ are really important to share with my kids while they’re young. i feel like alot of the Christian relationship (not religion) is understanding the entire picture (sin, Christ’s death, forgiveness, mercy) at once, and i just don’t think kids can grasp that. they’ll believe anything you tell them. they don’t believe it because the Holy Spirit convicts them of it, they believe it because you say it’s true. this makes me feel like i’m brainwashing her or something.

i also feel like kids learn by example. i’m counting on it, actually. i pray that the way that my husband and i live and love each other and our children will make it more than apparent to them that we have a “higher motivation”. i am not very good with words, so i’m banking on the fact that harper overhears a conversation between a friend and i about prayer or she suddenly understands that saying grace before a meal isn’t something that is just tradition, it’s a genuine “THANK YOU” to God that He is allowing us to eat today.

i’m rambling. i don’t know if i’m making any sense at all, but it’s sort-of jumbled in my head too, so…oh well.

July 28, 2009

the past 4 days have been pretty busy.  picked up my mom (candie) at the airport on friday night and things have been crazy since then.  leaving in an hour to take candedo to the airport, so hopefully i’ll get my rear in gear for a new BLESSED post, but for now, quick new post over at the photography/design blog.

July 23, 2009


i, probably like many other people out there, don’t have too many memories from elementary PE class.  if i thought really hard, or was reminded by a classmate, i’m sure i could think of more, but right now this is what i got:

there was a large area in the schoolyard that was made up of all sand with railroad ties stacked on every side.  it was a pretty large area…maybe the size of 2 basketball courts.  i’m playing soccer.  i’ve never played it before and don’t know what i’m doing really, but i am loving it.  i don’t think about it being hot or about being tired or sweaty or even about the fact that i’m wearing a skirt.  all i think about is kicking the ball and running with it and outrunning people while i’m doing it.  the teacher (coach shifflett) blows the whistle.  a friend looks down at my leg and says, “EW!  there’s blood all over your leg.”  i look down, and she’s right.  i’d been kicked hard in the shin and blood had trickled down into my sock.  (this is a weird thing to remember, but i swear this is true) i remember thinking that i must’ve been having so much fun i didn’t notice any pain or any blood.  and all i wanted to do was get out there and play some more, but then the coach said class was over.

that was the last time i played soccer until i was a junior in college.

the first time i ever watched a soccer game (on TV or otherwise) was when i went away to college.  when ryan and i started dating, i tried to learn as much as i could about it.  i was insanely jealous of anyone on the girls’ soccer team or anyone i knew who’d played in high school.  i guess i thought ryan would like me better if i knew the game or something.  stupid.  it didn’t make a difference to him.  after we’d dated for a year or two, i had a few people talk to me thinking that obviously i must be on the girls’ team (not sure why except that i have an athletic build and my boyfriend was on the guys’ team).  i would get a huge smile on my face and tell them, “no, i run cross-country [but i really really wish i played soccer instead].”

i eventually played a little on some intramural teams, to the dismay of the other team members, i’m sure.

played some with my students when i taught PE, althought i pretty much let them teach the sport for me, since they knew more than i did.  (it was alot of fun to play with them, though…seriously…even the 6th graders.)

after i had harper, i heard about an over-25 league near us.  i decided that i was in good shape, and i was athletic (catch onto new sports fairly fast), so i’d try it.  that first game was the most fun i think i’d had in at least a year.  i was HOOKED.

this is my 5th “season”.  i cannot say enough how much i love playing in this league.  for me, right now in my life, soccer is an escape from EVERYTHING else going on in my life.  i literally think about nothing else during the games and that is the only time that ever happens.  it’s also great motivation to run/work-out at the gym in between games.  it is encouraging because there are women out there playing next to me who are literally 20 years older than me and they can keep up with me (and in a rare case, BEAT ME).  that is so fun to experience. 

i also really enjoy the league because it is a large group of very different women, from very different walks and stages of life, all enjoying the same thing at the same time.  i’ve formed relationships with women that i never would’ve met had it not been for soccer (we’re not best friends or anything, but still).

that’s all.  i just love it.

ps. my team won the league tonight!

July 20, 2009

never a dull moment

  • yesterday after church we went to Jersey Mikes subs for lunch (if you’ve never eaten there, go.  as soon as they open tomorrow.  go.).  when we got there, harper had on no panties because of an emergency stop we’d just made on the side of the road after which i’d neglected to put her panties back on (she was wearing a dress so i ripped them off before i held up in the squat position to pee).  when we got into the store, i was hoping that harper could keep A) a low profile and B) keep her dress pulled down until we got into the bathroom.  ryan got in line and i stopped for a second with him to check out the kids’ menu (harper’s not too hot on lunch meat, so i wasn’t sure what to get her at a sub place).  harper ran over the the shelves where they keep the chips and started very loudly asking ryan what kind of chips he was going to get (low profile blown).  he was on him own to decide what to get her.  off we went to the bathroom (as she is yelling “i don’t need my panties back on!!”).  layne had a really full diaper, so i decided to deal with her first.  there was no changing thing-a-majiggy.  so, i sucked it up and threw the diaper bag on the floor and laid her on it.  she’s gotten really squirmy lately, so it usually takes longer than it should to change a pee diaper.  as i was changing her, i heard the water running and foolishly thought, “how nice, harper’s washing her hands before she eats without  me asking her too.”  pshaw.  i finally looked up and realized she had filled the sink almost to overflowing and was splashing vigorously in it.  i gave her devil eyes then somehow managed to get her panties back on with one hand and both of us remaining on our feet.
  • i finally got to enjoy my sandwich.  layne was sitting next to me and i was taking turns feeding her and stuffing my face with the amazingly delicious Italian on white with freshly sliced meat and cheese and perfect toppings.  as she was eating, layne kept grabbing the paper my sandwich was on a pulling on it.  it was getting close to naptime…the closer it is, the friskier she gets.  i popped her hand once really good and thought she had the idea (that she needed to keep away from mommy’s sandwich paper).  i got too comfortable.  about 2 minutes later, she reached over, yanked the paper as hard as she could and my beautiful, less-than-half-eaten sandwich fell to the floor to the tune of my groaning, “NOOOOOO!”  i am not one to frown off eating things off the floor, but this was like peel the mayo-covered tomatoes and shredded lettuce off the floor gross.  it was ridiculous, but it honestly took me about 10 minutes until i could laugh about it,  i was so mad.  🙂 
  • we started VBS at church today.  harper was very excited because it’s the most “schoolish” thing she’s ever participated in.  she LOVED it and i could tell that she really had a handle on some of the things they talked about.  when we got home, she seemed exhausted, but decided (very unfortunately) that she didn’t need a nap.  before i gave up on her getting one, i had to give her two spankings.  when i brought her in my room for the second time explaining why she was getting the spanking (because she’d woken layne up by singing very loudly), this is the conversation we had: 

harper: “mommy, God loves me.”

me: “you’re right honey, God loves you very much.” (my heart overflowing with pride and happiness)

harper: “mommy, God loves me sooo much that He doesn’t want me to get a spanking.”

July 18, 2009

i’m tired.

i usually try to veer away from talking politics on my blog.  mostly because i’m pretty sure that in 10 years when i’m reading this “journal”, i’ll still feel the same way i do today, so there’s really no point.  however, i do know that there are mabye 20 people who read my blog on a regular basis and share (most of) the same views i do.  my grandpa forwarded me this yesterday and i really really like it and thought some of you would too.  i don’t know anything about robert hall, but i do know that i agree with almost every single thing he said in this article.  enjoy:

“I’m Tired” by Robert A. Hall

 I’ll be 63 soon. Except for one semester in college when jobs were scarce, and a six-month period when I was between jobs, but job-hunting every day, I’ve worked, hard, since I was 18. Despite some health challenges, I still put in 50-hour weeks, and haven’t called in sick in seven or eight years. I make a good salary, but I didn’t inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, there’s no retirement in sight, and I’m tired. Very tired.

 I’m tired of being told that I have to “spread the wealth around” to people who don’t have my work ethic. I’m tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy or stupid to earn it.


I’m tired of being told that I have to pay more taxes to “keep people in their homes.” Sure, if they lost their jobs or got sick, I’m willing to help. But if they bought McMansions at three times the price of our paid-off, $250,000 condo, on one-third of my salary, then let the left-wing Congress-critters who passed Fannie and Freddie and the Community Reinvestment Act that created the bubble help them with their own money.


I’m tired of being told how bad America is by left-wing millionaires like Michael Moore, George Soros, and Hollywood entertainers who live in luxury because of the opportunities America offers. In thirty years, if they get their way, the United States will have the economy of Zimbabwe, the freedom of the press of China, the crime and violence of Mexico, the tolerance for Christian people of Iran, and the freedom of speech of Venezuela. Won’t multiculturalism be beautiful?


I’m tired of being told that Islam is a “Religion of Peace,” when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family “honor”; of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren’t “believers”; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for “adultery”; of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur’an and Shari’a law tells them to.


I believe “a man should be judged by the content of his character, not by the color of his skin.” I’m tired of being told that “race doesn’t matter” in the post-racial world of Obama, when it’s all that matters in affirmative action jobs, lower college admission and graduation standards for minorities (harming them the most), government contract set-asides, tolerance for the ghetto culture of violence and fatherless children that hurts minorities more than anyone, and in the appointment of US Senators from Illinois.

 I think it’s very cool that we have a black president and that a black child is doing her homework at the desk where Lincoln wrote the emancipation proclamation. I just wish the black president was Condi Rice, or someone who believes more in freedom and the individual and less arrogantly of an all-knowing government. 

I’m tired of a news media that thinks Bush’s fundraising and inaugural expenses were obscene, but that think Obama’s, at triple the cost, were wonderful; that thinks Bush exercising daily was a waste of presidential time, but Obama exercising is a great example for the public to control weight and stress; that picked over every line of Bush’s military records, but never demanded that Kerry release his; that slammed Palin, with two years as governor, for being too inexperienced for VP, but touted Obama with three years as senator as potentially the best president ever.  Wonder why people are dropping their subscriptions or switching to Fox News?  Get a clue. I didn’t vote for Bush in 2000, but the media and Kerry drove me to his camp in 2004. 

I’m tired of being told that out of “tolerance for other cultures” we must let Saudi Arabia use our oil money to fund mosques and madrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in America, while no American group is allowed to fund a church, synagogue, or religious school in Saudi Arabia to teach love and tolerance. 

I’m tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate. My wife and I live in a two-bedroom apartment and carpool together five miles to our jobs. We also own a three-bedroom condo where our daughter and granddaughter live. Our carbon footprint is about 5% of Al Gore’s, and if you’re greener than Gore,you’re green enough.


I’m tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses while they tried to fight it off? I don’t think Gay people choose to be Gay, but I damn sure think druggies chose to take drugs. And I’m tired of harassment from cool people treating me like a freak when I tell them I never tried marijuana.

 I’m tired of illegal aliens being called “undocumented workers,” especially the ones who aren’t working, but are living on welfare or crime. What’s next? Calling drug dealers, Undocumented Pharmacists”?  And, no, I’m not against Hispanics. Most of them are Catholic, and it’s been a few hundred years since Catholics wanted to kill me for my religion. I’m willing to fast track for citizenship any Hispanic person, who can speak English, doesn’t have a criminal record and who is self-supporting without family on welfare, or who serves honorably for three years in our military… Those are the citizens we need.


I’m tired of latte liberals and journalists, who would never wear the uniform of the Republic themselves, or let their entitlement-handicapped kids near a recruiting station, trashing our military. They and their kids can sit at home, never having to make split-second decisions under life and death circumstances, and bad mouth better people than themselves. Do bad things happen in war? You bet. Do our troops sometimes misbehave? Sure. Does this compare with the atrocities that were the policy of our enemies for the last fifty years-and still are? Not even close. So here’s the deal.

I’ll let myself be subjected to all the humiliation and abuse that was heaped on terrorists at Abu Ghraib or Gitmo, and the critics can let themselves be subject to captivity by the Muslims who tortured and beheaded Daniel Pearl in Pakistan, or the Muslims who tortured and murdered Marine Lt. Col. William Higgins in Lebanon, or the Muslims who ran the blood-spattered Al Qaeda torture rooms our troops found in Iraq, or the Muslims who cut off the heads of schoolgirls in Indonesia, because the girls were Christian. Then we’ll compare notes. British and American soldiers are the only troops in history that civilians came to for help and handouts, instead of hiding from in fear.


 I’m tired of people telling me that their party has a corner on virtue and the other party has a corner on corruption. Read the papers-bums are bipartisan. And I’m tired of people telling me we need bipartisanship. I live in Illinois, where the “Illinois Combine” of Democrats has worked to loot the public for years. Not to mention the tax cheats in Obama’s cabinet as well.


I’m tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers, and politicians of both parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I’m tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.


Speaking of poor, I’m tired of hearing people with air-conditioned homes, color TVs and two cars called poor. The majority of Americans didn’t have that in 1970, but we didn’t know we were “poor.” The poverty pimps have to keep changing the definition of poor to keep the dollars flowing.

I’m real tired of people who don’t take responsibility for their lives And actions. I’m tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination,or big-whatever for their problems.

 Yes, I’m damn tired. But I’m also glad to be 63. Because, mostly, I’m not going to have to see the world these people are making. I’m just sorry for my granddaughter.


Robert A. Hall is a Marine Vietnam veteran who served five terms in the Massachusetts State Senate.

July 16, 2009

I AM…sore and stiff.

I WANT…to go to the beach, but harper has a fever (is it terrible if i take them anyway?).

I HAVE…greasy hair.

I KEEP…forgetting what day it is.

I WISH I COULD…finish my website by snapping my fingers.

I HATE…our nasty cheap carpet

I FEAR…that my teeth-grinding is doing some serious damage.

I HEAR…Mary Poppins.

I DON’T THINK…i’ve shaved my legs in a week.

I REGRET…hardly anything.

I LOVE…Vanilla Coke.

I AM NOT…pregnant. 

I DANCE…sometimes at weddings.

I SING…in the shower, quite loudly.

I NEVER…go to the mall.

I RARELY…carry a real purse.

I CRY WHEN I WATCH…steel magnolias.

I AM NOT ALWAYS…motivated.

I HATE THAT…i never played soccer growing up.

I’M CONFUSED ABOUT…the whole health care thing. 

I NEED…to shave my legs..

I SHOULD…go do dishes!

July 15, 2009

Happy Birthday Layne!

2009_07_05_1326 BLOGman, how time does fly.  and how quickly a newborn baby can turn into a wobbly, babbly pseudo-toddler.

today is layne’s first birthday.  we had a party for her while we were in Sebastian so that most of my family and ryan’s family could be there.  my nephew’s birthday is next week and ryan’s mom’s birthday was the day after we celebrated, so we had three names on the cake.  [the only time i’ve ever been disappointed with publix: they wouldn’t give us the free little baby cake because the large sheet cake didn’t have the word “first” on it.  i was annoyed but said i’d just buy the baby cake…i asked how much that would be…$16!!!  needless to say we just cut off a big corner piece for layne and stuck a #1 candle in it.]

i just sat down after going in to wake the girls up…sang layne happy birthday while i changed her diaper.  a year ago at this moment i was stuck in a hospital bed, my water broken, trying to will my cervix past 2 cm’s.  it’s honestly really difficult to think back to that morning becuase i was in alot of pain, frustrated that i was stuck in bed to deal with the pain (if you’re trying for a VBAC, they won’t let you walk around because of liability), confused as to why it hurt so much if i was barely dilated, and mad at God for not giving me what i wanted (or teaching my body to do what it was told).  when told i’d need another a c-section, i was simultaneously extremely angry/disappointed and secretly relieved that i wouldn’t have to deal with useless contractions anymore.  the rest of the day was a blur of sobbing in front of strangers, surgery, a rough recovery (vomiting, super low heart rate, and dizziness so bad i couldn’t sit up), family arriving at the hospital, and it taking forever until i honestly wanted to hold the pretty new baby.

2009_07_05_1356 BLOGon the other hand, when i think back to the next day, i think of nothing but sweetness.  she had no name, but i knew we’d come up with something cool.  harper came to meet her and behaved exactly how i’d hoped she would.  the baby slept the best when she was somehow nestled into my lap on the bed, which i loved.  she latched on like a champ.  i was no longer mad at God because during the c-section, the doctor had found a large tumor on my left ovary.  it was harmless at the time, but he said that if he didn’t remove it then, i’d for sure eventually have to have it taken out (which would mean another surgery).  i was still devastated that i’d had a baby the most unnatural way possible, but it was at least justified.

layne didn’t have a name until she was 3 days old.  we were bouncing around the idea of “july lynn”, but it never sat right with me.  i’m glad. 

today she:

  • says “mama”, “dada”, “buhbah” (harper), “hi”, “bye”, “baba” (baby)
  • waves goodbye
  • signs for milk, more, and eat (working on bath)
  • stands on her own (no steps yet, but she seems pretty close)
  • loves books and balls
  • has a pair of two of the prettiest blue eyes i’ve ever seen
  • is obsessed with food.  will eat anything edible.
  • sleeps great with a binky and her precious doggy
  • starting to get some little curls at the bottom of her head
  • wants to do nothing but follow harper around all day
  • is very mellow and happy 95% of the time

can’t wait to see who she’ll grow up to be!  thank you Lord for such a beautiful, healthy, joy-bringing gift.

July 13, 2009

2009_07_08_1511 BLOG

July 13, 2009


i just read this with my mouth hanging wide open.  i cannot believe what a jerk he is.  oh.  my.  goodness.