Archive for ‘harper’

January 14, 2011

i’m tired.

fo’ real.

it’s after 11.  my feet hurt.  my eyes hurt.  and my head hurts when i think about tomorrow.

i’m assisting for my fabulous friend Kat starting at noon tomorrow and the wedding is about an hour and a half away (south beach, baby!!).  sure i won’t get home until at least 1 AM.  i will be drinking quite a bit of coke.  or coffee.  something with caffeine.

i just spent 2 hours working on a painting and taking a break to fold laundry when it came out of the dryer45 mintues every .  doing it all while listening to my bebo norman pandora station.  pandora seriously makes everything a pleasure.  and i hardly ever have to skip a song on that station (i think it’s a mix of bebo norman, watermark, and audrey assad).

one reason i’m tired:

doesn’t she look like a sulking 14 year old?  this girl is giving me a run for my money lately with her attitude.  it is DRAINING.  she’s started being sneaky and lying and cocking an attitude every 4 seconds.  sometimes when she speaks i swear if i closed my eyes i could easily picture her as a bratty teenager.  i love her fiercely, but man can she rub me the wrong way when she wants to.  (by the way, she WAS sulking in that picture.  she was pouting while we were in the FSU stadium.  a super fun and different place for anyone of any age.  i still don’t know what she was pouting about.)  however, she finished her first week back at school and in a different location (same teacher, most of the same kids) with a huge smile on her face.  girl is definitely a social butterfly.  don’t know where she gets it becuase both ryan and i were extremely shy as small children.

[side note: ryan lies in bed and reads all his RSS feeds (articles and blogs) before he goes to sleep.  he just read me an article that said on this day in 1794, the first Cesearean section was performed in the US where both baby and mother survived.  it was performed by the woman’s HUSBAND on a “table” made out of planks on 2 barrels.  wow.]

been working with layne all week on potty training.  it’s a total roller coaster.  she’s doing okay, i guess.  she’s actually had more pee accidents than poop, which is good.  i’m just glad i don’t have to buy diapers anymore (however she’s still in pull-ups at night)…especially now that Maitland is big into babyfood ($$$…i do make my own every now and then, but it’s alot easier just to take the top off of something).  she redeems herself from the accidents by being HILARIOUS and adorable.

funny story: i was doing dishes for awhile in the kitchen this morning.  maitland was in the playroom playing with a bin that had play dishes and food in it.  layne came into the kitchen carrying a basket with a piece of plastic corn in it.  L: “i got some corn.”  Me: “cool.  where’d you get that?  maitland’s store?”  L: “yeah, maitland’s store.  there were lots of babies there.”  Me: “really?  lots of babies?”  L: “yeah.  and it was really messy.”

ryan took a video yesterday of layne holding a bead from a broken necklace and voluntarily calling it a choking hazard.  it will probably be one of my favorite videos from her at this age.  i should figure out how to post it on here…

i’m done.  if i look at this screen any longer i’ll have to tape my eyelids open.

if anyone’s reading this who hasn’t taken a look at the photo blog this week, do it now!  (please?)

November 4, 2010

one year ago

[harper (then, the oldes of 2) napping (doesn’t do it anymore) in a dress-up outfit (mermaid that is too small for her), next to a purple dog (that i finally had to give to goodwill), under a tent held up by a chair (that we don’t have anymore), in a room (in a house we don’t live in anymore).]

November 3, 2010

i think zombies must look more rested than i.

  • harper’s not going to school today.  she got up around 4 AM and had a 103 temp.  no idea why or what else is wrong.  she says her throat hurts.  GREAT.  i am very glad she’s not going to school because it is pouring rain outside, however i am OVER the germs that are constantly creeping their way into this house.  i don’t want to resort to having to become one of those paranoid, addicted-to-hand-sanitizer moms (if you know me, you know that would be a ssttrreecchh).
  • got the estimate (the # that we’ll get a check for) from the insurance company on monday.  it was over twice what we were expecting.  i am begging ryan to let us just leave the scab on the side of the van and SPEND that fat check.  we’ll see what happens.  (new headboard?  gym membership?  stack of restaurant gift cards?  please babe???)
  • one night last week, harper was up all night with a stomach virus.  of course i hate for her to be sick, but i do love how snuggly she gets when she doesn’t feel well.  i slept on the couch just so that i’d be able to hear her if she was up running to the potty in the dark (which she did, 4 times, poor girl).  she wanted to lay with me for awhile after 2 of those potty trips.  while we were lying there, i was thinking that i never wanted to forget that moment…4 AM, house is quiet, just me and harper spooning on the couch.  her little hand on mine.  SUCH A PRIVELEGE.
  • my friend Tina is going on a FREE trip to san francisco this weekend.  she won a recipe contest on Foodbuzz and is being flown out there to attend a festival and do a demo for the recipe she submitted (which i had the privilege of trying and it is UH-mazing (pumpkin parfait).  we are all so proud of her (and i am SO jealous…san fran is one of my favorite places).
  • maitland hasn’t slept through the night since we were on vacation in august.  i’ve tried a few times to let him cry, but it hasn’t done the trick and i have perfected the skill of being in a semi-conscious state (basically asleep with my eyes open) so i’m lazy and just give in to nursing him.  i’d rather be up feeding him for 10 minutes as opposed to listening to him cry for an hour.  he just got 2 teeth in 2 weeks, but it looks like things in his mouth will be calm for awhile, so this week i decided it’s the end of the road for that waking-up business.  last night was night #2 and i think he only cried for like 20 minutes (monday night it was an hour or so).  i’m looking forward to not hearing him during the night anymore and i’m also looking forward to my milk supply understanding what’s going on.  i fed him at 6:30 this morning and he only ate on one side.  not to be graphic, but lets just say things are a little uneven right now.  i feel like i have a disability.
  • got a new blackberry and a new provider.  i now have internet on my phone.  it is a dangerous amazing new world.  🙂  the trackpad isn’t working right, so i actually have to go to the sprint place today to get it fixed or get a new phone or something.  i need to post pictures because it is ADORABLE.  purple.  i need to give it a name.
  • another note on maitland: he is very close to sitting on his own (he can do it on a soft surface).  his teeth are adorable. and he’s recently started being verbal…making jabbering noises.  all of this is fun to experience, but i can’t help but feel sad knowing he’s my last baby.  i want him to slow it down a little!

September 22, 2010

7:12 AM

i should probably be waking up the girls right now, but i just wanted to check in quickly.

so, we are moving this week.  literally.  every time ryan or i goes over to the new place we take a box or two or a basket of toys or a metal star from the wall (harper was upset by that one and promptly told me that the wall wasn’t pretty anymore).  our current house is a WRECK and i’ve given up on trying to have it not be.  i’m keeping it clean (wiping the counters, sweeping the floors), but not neat.  reinforcements arrive on thursday night so starting friday morning we should be getting quite a bit done.  hoping that by monday i’ll be almost unpacked and that by the end of next week i’ll be somewhat organized. 

the whole concept of the girls living in a HOUSE for the first time is cool.  yesterday evening i did a little painting and ryan met us over there and brought pizza.  we had a picnic on a dropcloth.  i was so annoyed i didn’t have my camera because it was one of those moments when i thought, “i want this image burned on my brain.”  super special family picture.  anyway, as we were leaving, harper ran out to the mailbox, opened it and said, “no mail today!”  i was thinking how exciting that must be for her….for her entire life we’ve gotten our mail out of a little silver hole with a door.

this whole process is very exciting to me (i swear i have a huge smile on my face every time i’m packing a box), so i’m not in a rush to have it overwith, but there are alot of things that i’m looking forward to in the next 6 months or so, so i won’t mind when the moving in part is done:

  • starting up tuesday night Bible study again with some of my favorite women (and we’re reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan, which is a book i’ve been dying to get through)
  • assisting my talented friend Kat Braman at several weddings
  • shooting one of my own next month
  • cooler weather (which feels like it’s already started, although i’m sure i’m being deceived somehow)
  • Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas (we’ll get to have lights outside this year!)
  • Harper learning to read…i’m expecting to see her doing some probably before Christmas…she is flying through everything she’s being taught right now
  • so so so excited to start painting for the Homespun Chic Marketplace i’m participating in in April.  it’s always been a dream of mine to take part in a “craft fair/art show”, and this one seems like it’ll be really good.  i have big plans and in the new house i have an actual workspace.  SO STOKED to get some things on canvas.  (if you want to see some of my past works, you can go to my other blog, scroll to the bottom and click on “paintings”.)  several of my friends who have Etsy shops are doing it too, so that makes it extra fun and exciting.
  • watching Maitland learn to sit up and crawl….okay let’s be honest: i’m only excited about the sitting up part.  he can stay on his bottom for 6 months for all i care.  haha

it’s now 7:30 and my girls really need to be up!  gotta run.

the new place

August 25, 2010


this little man is 4 months old tomorrow.  so surreal.  it feels like he’s always been here, and yet when i think back to gazing down at him in the hospital….  crazy.  i was looking at someone’s baby photos on facebook yesterday and i almost started crying knowing that i will never again call a newborn mine (unless God’s got a good laugh up his sleeve). 

i’m not stressed, but i feel like i am hanging onto a sane life by a thread right now.  i hate that i’m so behind in my blog…i never know where to pick up…  i think in my last post i said that i had just found out i had shingles.  it was definitely not fun, but i wouldn’t say i was miserable.  i was totally capable of maintaining my daily routine with the kids and everything, i just felt like someone was dripping acid on my leg the whole time i was doing it.  in the midst of the shingles, my little sister courtney came to visit, harper started school, my mom came to visit, and we found out that our buyer’s offer was approved by the bank.

token first day shot:

had to post this next one because i cannot believe how much these two look alike:

and, just to keep it even, here’s a picture of my layne (it was raining one day at the beach, so everyone piled into the hot tub.  i think at this point she was pretty annoyed that there was no room in the warm water to swim.):

July 30, 2010

week in review.

this week was…well, quite a week.  maitland is getting a tooth (already!) and i think i’ve also figured out that he has some type of dairy sensitivity (there’s only one way to figure that out and it’s not fun). monday and wednesday were full of activity, but the rest of the week we really just hung out here…which is really rare for us…i get claustraphobic.  all of my favorite bloggers post alot of pictures and i am lazy terrible about it, so i decided to do a mother of a photo post.  here goes:

monday: we got up and got out by 8:45…followed my sweet friend courtney out to loxahatchee where she keeps her horse, hank.  harper and i had been once before, but i don’t think layne had ever even seen a horse in real life.  she was good with it until i set her up on top of him…not crazy about that.  court was SO patient and kind and helpful to the girls while she let them help with grooming hank and even giving him a treat.  they absolutely loved everything about every minute we were there (except for layne ON the horse).  after the barn, we went to chick-fil-a to kill some time before we drove up to tequesta to pick up my friend kat‘s son, tookie.  he was at our house the whole afternoon until after dinner.  tookie is SUCH a sweet precious little guy.  they all had a great time…even layne, whose only nap that day was like 20 minutes in the van.  

tuesday:  kind of a blur actually.  🙂  we were home ALL day.  maitland was super fussy and i had no obligations, so we just hung out.  made pancakes and ended up in my pajamas until about 4:00.  i haven’t had a day like that in forever and it was actually really nice.  at 4:00, instead of heading to the gym like normal, i decided we needed some outside air so we walked to the playground.  it’s about half a mile and i was stoked that i figured out a way that all 3 kids could ride in the double stroller (harper stands sort-of in-between the seats).  it was hot out, but it was a nice change of pace for all of us, and just nice to get outside for a bit after being shut-in all day.

wednesday:  my friend alyssa texted me telling me there was a free veggie tales movie that day.  i knew we’d be late, but decided to go anyway.  we got there about 10 minutes after it started.  it was layne’s first movie and she did great…SO cute sitting in the big seat.  maitland slept through much of the movie, so that was nice.  after the movie we went to super target and got some groceries for a picnic lunch and then went to the fountains in royal palm.  the kids had a blast and a half.  we were only home long enough for layne to sleep for about an hour and then we went over to visit my sis-in-law and the kids she babysits for.  the girls swam with them and maitland and i just hung out poolside.  we got home just in time for me to nurse the baby and toss him at ryan while i ran out the door to the gym (first zumba class!).

thursday:  we didn’t do much….i can’t remember much.  layne randomly woke up with a gross snotty nose, so i was trying to keep her pretty quiet.  we went to publix and that’s about it.

friday: we had big plans for a lemonade stand this week (one reason we went to publix on thursday).  so, right after breakfast we spent about 45 minutes working on signs for the “stand”.  maitland was again very fussy so i was hesitant to go to the gym, but we did anyway.  i was only on the bike for 10 minutes when they called me back to the kidzone to get him.  the girls played on the porch for awhile after that, which is sometimes really nice (even when they put more sidewalk chalk on thier bodies than on the concrete).  harper and i made the lemonade during layne’s nap (it turned out DELICIOUS) and then when loo woke up we all headed downstairs.  we were only down there for like 15 minutes before we ran out of lemonade, but i could tell harper really loved it.  may have to do it again before we move.  after we ran out of lemonade, one of our sweet neighbors (an older lady named mercedes) invited the girls up to her house and told me to enjoy my shower.  wow!  such a nice blessing…not to mention that baby boy feel asleep 20 seconds into said shower.  we had dinner in west palm with ryan’s sister and cousin-in-law and her brother.  it rained cats and dogs the whole time we were in the restaurant, but it’s an open-air place, so it was actually pretty cool.

now, ryan’s over at a buddy’s house and i’m avoiding any type of housework…thus this ridiculously long post.

just posted on my photography blog, too.

this was one of the signs for the lemonade stand.  harper has recently learned to write her name (good thing she goes to school because i’d had no idea she was capable) and i think she’s getting really good at it.  she writes “harper h” because there was another harper in her class at school who was “harper g”.  at the very top of the photo you can see where i wrote “lemonade” on a piece of paper…she copied it and i think she did a great job!  the “E” is my favorite.

i still have no idea why harper didn’t want to be in this picture.

poor guy did alot of this this week.  (don’t judge me for photographing him while he is ticked off.)

one of the only ways i could get him calm.  today he hung out in here for about 15 minutes.  just laid there while i had my laptop on the counter.

he did have a few smiles for us.  cutie.

July 27, 2010

a brick in the face.

so it’s late and i should get to bed, but i wanted to post this before i forget what i’m thinking/feeling:

i never knew i had a temper until i had kids. layne’s not there yet (not really old enough), but harper can make me madder than i ever knew i could get at anyone. sometimes i am utterly shocked at how seething mad a 35 pound little curly-haired ballerina can make me. i don’t know if it’s normal, but i’m assuming it is (feel free to leave comments affirming this fact).
bedtime at our house is almost a nightly battle. we spank, we take away toys/privileges/etc, we turn off lullabies. nothing seems to matter to harper…she will think of any excuse to stay awake, even if it involves a negative consequence. tonight was pretty typical, but ryan was at a function for work, so i was on my own. i lost it on her. i got extremely angry in a matter of about 10 seconds and said and did some things that i am regretting. that’s all i’m going to say about what happened…no need to call CPS or anything, i just wish i’d reacted differently.

when i came out of the girls’ room, heart-beating, tears streaming, i went on a cleaning rampage. it helped me clear my head a little and also gave me something to do with my hands, which is always a plus for me when i’m upset. one of the thoughts that kept going through my head was this: “i do so much for her. i give her so much. i teach her so much. why does she turn around and treat me this way?!” now, i understand that these issues we’re having with harper are more about her than they are about us. she is testing boundaries and learning how to express herself just like any other 4 year old does. she wants to stay up a little later and she knows that if i’m angry, she’s getting attention and doesn’t have to go to sleep. she’s not logically thinking through things, remembering everything i did for her today, but not caring. however, when i was super ticked off and had that thought for the 5th or 6th time (about how much i do for her), it hit me like a ton of bricks in the face that that has to be EXACTLY how God thinks about us. oh man, the floodgates opened when i had this realization. it’s a simple truth: God loves us. He invented love, so i know He feels it far deeper than we do. He does amazing things for us every day, provides us with not only the things we need, but with the things that make us super happy, and how do we repay Him? We sin. He arranged and re-arranged and sacrificed so much for us just to keep us close to Him and how do we show our appreciation? We choose not to spend time with Him. We are only passionate when we need something. We keep His amazing gifts and truths to ourselves.

maybe you don’t treat the Lord this way, but i realized tonight that i do. and i am so thankful that my kid was a brat for 10 minutes so i could get the slap in the face that i deserve.

Lord, i don’t ususally pray to you via my blog, but i just wanted to tell you tonight that i do realize how blessed i am and that every second i have on this earth is a gift and an opportunity to give you praise. i am so ashamed that i don’t do more to show you my love and appreciation. i am so sorry for my anger tonight, but i thank you for using it to teach me more about your infinite mercy and grace. thank you for never reacting to us in anger. amen.

July 9, 2010

harper is hilarious

some harper stories that i don’t want to forget and keep meaning to post:

  • the other night as she was carrying her plate to the sink, she said again and again in perfect tone: “focus, harper, focus.”
  • a few months back, my sister-in-law erin was here.  she asked me if i’d ever thought about what harper would do if something ever happened to me at home, like if i were to pass out of have a siezure or something.  i said i had thought about that, but i had never had that conversation with harper.  so, we asked her what she would do.  she had no idea.  after i explained several times what her course of action should be, i guess she assumed that i would be…dead, or something, because she said, “and then would i have to cook and clean forever?”
  • we’re cleaning up a huge play-doh mess…most of it due to her furiously scraping the top off a mountain or something she was making.  while she was doing the scraping, i had told her probably 4 times to stop because she was obviously making a huge mess.  so, she’s helping me clean up and i said, “this is probably the biggest play-doh mess we’ve ever made.”  she said, “yeah, it’s big.”  i said, “harper, alot of this mess is because you disobeyed mommy and kept scraping your mountain.”  she said (her exact words, i swear), “MOM, i was trying to make it look cool.  i told you that like 6 times.”
July 5, 2010

little letters

dear laptop, i love you more every day.  seroiusly, where have you been all my life?  i can’t believe i have spent so much of my adult/professional life without you.  the only thing i can imagine that would make me love you more was if you were green or maybe if you could magically pay for things i want to buy online.  your proud owner, katie

dear harper, you are developing quite a personality.  you are hilarious.  you make me smile and laugh even when you are doing something dishonest (tonight you called me into your dark room claiming you couldn’t find your kitty.  i had just given him to you about 7 minutes before.  i reached behind your pillow and there he was).  please stop growing so fast.  i want you to stay little for longer!  love you forever, mommy

dear Lord, thank you for surrounding us with such great family and friends.  we are blessed beyond measure.  amen.

dear owner of Express Fitness, how in the world can you possibly be the owner of a gym and yet you reek of cigarette smoke?  no different in my mind that if you weighed 350 pounds.  your annoyed patron, me

July 2, 2010


thought i’d post a play-by-play of today’s beach…ahem…”adventure”.  i want to record things like this so i can remember what it was like when the kids are older and i can just play with them without stress lay on a towel and read.

10:00 – feeding maitland on the couch at home.  stroller is packed and we are ready to walk out the door.

10:30 (not even going to attempt to speak of the things that happened from 10:00 to 10:30…the process of getting from our door to actually driving in the car is a post in itself.) – supposed to be meeting kathleen and carla, but stuck on the bridge.  maitland is screaming.  i opened the windows and he stopped.

10:40 – applying sunscreen in the parking lot.  layne is naked and screaming because i won’t let her put the sunscreen on her face by herself (“i do it!  i do it!”).  maitland is in his carseat on the ground still screaming.  however, i was thinking “this is going well so far”.  must’ve been feeling pretty optimistic because i decided not to put a swim diaper on layne (you can see where this is going, right?).

10:45 – walk from the car to the beach.  miraculously uneventful (thanks to kathleen helping me lug the stroller/cart down the stairs).

10:50 to 11:45 – maitland is asleep (thank you to the angels who were kissing him and singing to him or whatever you did to keep him asleep on the beach for that long).  girls are playing and eating.  harper is swimming about 30 yards away in her floatie (we were under the pier, which is a no swim zone, so she had to go down the beach a little ways.  i chose to stay with the other two kids because layne wanted NO part of the water and had very zealously let me know it.)

11:45 – maitland wakes up.  he’s not supposed to eat until 1:00.  i wasn’t worried.

11:48 – he’s a little fussy.  everytime i pick him up, he gets more sand on him and feels a little sweatier than the last time.  oh man.

12:00 – explain to harper that maitland is fussing and we have to go.  she doesn NOT like this.  tantrum follows.  i hand maitland to kathleen and start to gather up my things.  he stops fussing and looks like he might fall asleep.  i change my mind and decide i might as well stay a little longer (seems to make the trek a little more worthwhile).

12:08 – harper is swimming down the beach again…looks like she’s having fun.  layne is finally sitting in the water playing with some other kids and…wait…is that a SMILE i just saw?  maitland starts to fuss again so i decide i’ll try to nurse him.  i do so very discreetly (if you’ve ever breastfed in public, you understand why this made me happy) and he’s liking it for a few minutes. 

12:10 – carla informs me that LAYNE’S BATHING SUIT IS FULL OF POOP.  oh man.  [you’re right if you’re thinking it’s all downhill from here.]  layne is crying again.

12:10:30 – i pretty much run up to my stuff and start throwing things in the stroller/cart (including poor maitland…he was laid on top of all the towels).  i ask kathleen to run and get harper and tell her we have to go.  thankfully, harper comes pretty quickly.

12:12 – we head up the hill to the stairs. i was carrying a ridiculous load thinking, “this is exactly why i go to the gym.”  i hadn’t put shoes on either girl yet and poor layne’s feet were burning.  i pull her over to the bushes and empty out her bathing suit as best i can (i really didn’t want poop flying everywhere while i was rinsing her in the shower).  i put layne down and tell her “the sand is hot.  run to the stairs.”  she does the opposite.  took 4 steps and froze.  luckily kathleen was right there, so she grabbed her (i had just filled my hands up with the ridiculous load again.)  amazingly enough, during this part of the process, maitland was quiet as a mouse…just looking around from his bed in the bottom of the stroller. 

12:15 – make it to the showers.  i laid maitland on a towel in the shade.  harper put on her halo and started rinsing herself off without me saying a word to her.  i slap myself out of my proud stupor and get to work on the other little gal.  i grab her and the torture ensues.  she was screaming as i was trying my best to act totally normal while rinsing the poop out of her bathing suit and get the sand off of her.  finally it’s done and i sat her down on the towel next to her brother.  put her shoes on and i can tell she’s feeling much better.  she gets up and it’s obvious to me that there is still work to be done on her rear-end.  wow.

12:18 – we get to the car, i get everything unloaded and get maitland in his carseat.  he’s spit up everywhere, but he’s happy.  good.  put a towel on the grass and put layne on it.  i take off her bathing suit and she’s covered with sand.  wipe her bottom and put on a clean diaper.  the sand will have to wait. 

12:24 – off we go.

just realized that my times are all wrong on this because when i put maitland in his seat it was 12:40-something.  oh well.  you get the picture.  speaking of pictures, i hope this one stays in my mind forever.  i’m already laughing about it.  and, let me just say, i am not complaining.  i’m glad my life is challenging in this respect.  i know it sounded like i was complaining about layne, but i’m just stating facts.  she’s almost 2 and she’s acting it.  that’s that.  right now she’s sitting next to me being very sweet…she just has her moments.