tough love.

my littlest sister has been having some health problems….female health problems.  she lives in west palm, but the only gyno she’s ever gone to is in montana.  the doctor’s been trying to figure out what’s wrong with her just from comparing test results with symptoms.  she got news today that her ovaries and uterus are very sick…there’s a chance she could have to have a hysterectomy.  she’s 19.  yeah, NINETEEN.  she’s said since she was about 12 that she never wanted to be pregnant…she wants to adopt all her children.  today, that’s a blessing, seeing that if she ever did get pregnant (if it’s even possible after this), it probably wouldn’t go so well.  she’s been too tired to go to class or work, throwing up, and has been experiencing severe mood swings (who wouldn’t?!).  this brings another issue to the table:  whether or not to finish this semester at PBA…  she’s been planning since august to transfer “home” to MSU in montana, but still, she doesn’t want this semester to go to waste. 

as we talked on the phone today and she explained the test results and the forthcoming decisions to be made, i had little to say.  i KNOW that there is a reason for everything that the Lord allows in our lives, but it’s hard to convey that to someone else without sounding cliche’ or unsympathetic.  i prayed with her and cried a little and basically just felt like i wasn’t helping at all.  nothing bad ever happens to me, so i always feel pretty stupid trying to help others when they’re going through something…

a few hours after the phone conversation, i sat with harper in the doctor’s office.  she had her 18 month check-up/immunizations appointment today.  she had to get her finger pricked and then got two shots.  i held her as the nurse did her duty (and you wouldn’t believe how well she does it…SO fast!).  harper did great and was luckily very distracted by the sesame street band-aid, but it still made me want to cry to see her in any pain at all.

later as i was fixing dinner and thinking about courtney’s situation, it hit me.  harper didn’t choose to get those shots.  i chose for her, and i held her in my arms as she got stuck.  i knew when i chose for her to recieve the shots that they would be painful; but i also knew that the medicine going into her body could eventually fight off a much more painful illness, or even death.  this has to be how the Lord feels when we have to walk a hard road in order to avoid a harder one down the line.  He sees the future, we don’t.  He knows what’s best for us, we don’t.  it must be hard for the Lord to hold us in his arms and see us in pain…and the love that i have for harper can’t compare to love the Lord has for each of His children. 

i pray that my little sister will feel His arms around her as she is in pain.

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One Comment to “tough love.”

  1. wow Kate, that means so much! i love you so much, you are the best sister i could ever hope for! you make being scared a little bit easier! just talking and praying over the phone was more than enough! i couldn’t ask for a better sister, friend, or spiritual leader!

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